Divorce is a stressful experience for everyone involved, and people who are getting a divorce can end up feeling isolated and alone. You may feel an impulse to reach out to friends on social media, or even to blow off steam about the misbehavior of your ex through online posts. It’s harmless, right? You may even think that posts can be set to “friends only” or “private” and that they’ll never make it back to your ex.
Unfortunately, all of these perceptions are wrong. What you say on social media during, and even after, your divorce can come back to bite you hard. Unless your divorce is genuinely amicable, you should exercise significant caution in how you engage with the internet during a divorce. Deleting or suspending your accounts are the best strategy, but again, divorce can be isolating. If you need the social engagement that Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or Snapchat afford, use them wisely.
Here are things to keep in mind if you choose to stay active on social media during your divorce:
First things first: Change all of your passwords, if you haven’t done so already. We’ll get to how nothing is private, but that’s especially true if your ex can snoop through your email, bank, and social media accounts any time they want to. If you use a password manager, start by changing its password, then change all your other passwords.
Remember that nothing is private. Even if you think you’ve done a great job configuring your settings, you should work from the assumption that everything you post will be seen by the judge in your case, and framed in the worst possible light by your ex’s lawyers. Take a minute to think about what that means. Maybe you like to post pictures of good meals when you go out, and those pictures tend to include a glass of wine.
Your ex’s lawyer can present this as evidence that you have a drinking problem, or that you’re out on the town too often to be a good parent. In fact, any pictures or comment threads that can be twisted to paint you as a bad parent, or squandering marital funds, or otherwise behaving badly, may be used against you.
Your social media posts can also inadvertently heighten tensions between you and your ex and cause significant conflict. Imagine a scenario where your ex attends religious services every Sunday morning and wants the kids to do so, too. If you have the kids for the weekend and check in at a restaurant during church time or post photos of you and the kids at a playground instead, the ex may use that to ask the judge to think about whether you should have the kids on Sundays at all.
Lashing out at your ex is also a no-go during a divorce. Judges don’t want to see parents fighting, but even if you don’t have kids, popping off on the internet does nothing to calm raw emotions or make negotiations smoother. Unfortunately, having the easiest divorce means you’re going to have to be the better person.
It’s best not to post about a new romance during a divorce. Celebrating your new relationship online can be satisfying, but there are very few circumstances where it will improve your divorce experience. Your ex may try to claim that you cheated during the relationship, or suggest that you’re improperly spending marital funds on that romantic trip to Cabo you posted about. Even worse, your new boyfriend or girlfriend is now subject to social media snooping as well, and if your ex can make the case that your significant other is bad for the kids, trust that it’ll come up in court.
Then there’s money – how much you have, how much you’re spending, and how much you could be earning. Social media represents a gold mine of information that your ex’s lawyer can fling at you in court. Does your LinkedIn profile suggest you could make a lot more money based on your work history and skill set? Did you make a post about a new job or a promotion? Congratulations! Your ex will now ask the court for you to contribute more to spousal or child support!
Using social media during a divorce is a minefield. If you’re able to just walk away from it for a while, do. If you can’t do that, then adopt a less-is-more strategy and keep as much information as possible to yourself. Your divorce won’t last forever, and your friends list will be there for y
The Attorneys with Zelenitz, Shapiro & D’Agostino offer professional and affordable solutions for NYC residents seeking a divorce or other family law legal assistance.
Zelenitz, Shapiro & D’Agostino, PC
138-44 Queens Blvd #2
Queens, New York 11435
(718)-523-1111
https://www.queensdivorcelawyers.com/